A Different View of Dementia

I was so sure there were three women in my house trying to get me to leave.  But that was earlier, I think.  Now, just my daughter-in-law is here and she’s trying to get me to take some pills.  She used to be so nice to me, now I’m just not sure anymore.  I think she wants me to move.  I wish everyone would just leave me alone.  I can’t find my husband, but at least my dogs are here.  They’re what matters to me most right now.  My dogs.

That’s all I need.  But I like this house.  I want to stay here, I think I’ll sell the other house.

I think I told my daughter-in-law to leave.  She’s not here now, it’s morning.  But I can’t find my shoes.  Someone has been taking my stuff and it’s infuriating.  I started writing all this down so I could document how I’m being treated.  I went to see David, he says I’m acting crazy again, I don’t know why I even say hi to him anymore.

I have a lanyard with keys on it.  My daughter gave this to me so I won’t lose my keys like I’m a child or something. She makes me so mad!  I found my shoes, they were in a pillowcase.  I’m still searching for my wallet.  I don’t know where my daughter-in-law went.  My son called and said she went home.  He said I threw her out, I don’t remember that.  I don’t know what’s true and what isn’t anymore.  I can’t remember if I took my pills.  I’ll have to go check and take them again.

Why can’t I remember things?  I have very clear memories up to a point, then it all becomes a jumbled mess.  Someone I don’t know came in today and said they were here to help me.  I didn’t let her in.  I think she wants to steal my things. Who would steal from an old woman?  She said my kids had hired her.  I don’t have any kids, I don’t know what she’s thinking.  Wait.  I do have kids and grandkids.  They don’t come see me, though and I’m only a few miles away.  You’d think they could make time for their grandmother.  I blame my daughter for not raising those boys right.  Although that older one, whats-his-name… Joseph.  He’s sure smart.  Like his grandfather.  I wonder where he went. I can’t find him today.  This house is a mess.

Wow, so silly.  I forgot that my husband died last year.  He was a good man.  I don’t know why he didn’t get someone to take care of him when he got sick, he’d still be alive if he wouldn’t have been so stubborn.  That woman came by again, she tried to get me to take pills, I’m not falling for that!  I think she stole my lipstick, though.  And the leashes, where are the dog’s leashes?  I have to find them, my babies can’t go outside if I can’t put them on a leash.  I don’t want to be like that bitch across the way, she never puts her dogs on a leash.

Someone helped me find a bunch of my stuff!  It was all hidden in the strangest places.  I think it was my daughter-in-law, but she was much different than I remember.  She looked a lot older.  I wonder why my son married such an older woman than himself.  He could have done much better.  She was nice, though, she even found my passport.  I think she bought new leashes for the dogs, but we found the other ones.  Someone had hidden them, too.  I wish I could keep people out of my house, it’s all these strangers who are screwing everything up.

I’m in a panic.  I’m only writing this down because I want to document it for myself for later.  I can’t find my dogs anywhere.  I think someone stole them.  I have to go look. It’s dark outside I’m not sure where they are.  I’m going to take the car and drive around to try to find them.  I don’t think I’m supposed to drive, but I found a key!

David had my dogs and my car.  I don’t know what’s gotten into him.  He told me I gave him the car and the dogs, and a bunch of money to go away. That doesn’t sound like me.  But I got my dogs back after yelling at him for a long time.  He can keep the fucking car, I’m not supposed to drive it anyway.  I just needed to have my babies back.

I wonder where my husband went.  He should have been back hours ago.  I bet he took my wallet by mistake.

You can join my growing email list by subscribing here or drop me a note in the comments.  I’m sure I’ll have more to say on this subject going forward.

One thought on “A Different View of Dementia

  1. Wow, what a heartbreaking but truthful perspective. I think this is an incredibly effective way for someone to understand what a person with dementia actually goes through. Nothing I have read on this topic has had this kind of emotional impact. Everyine needs to read this, it is amazing!

    Liked by 1 person

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