It always amazes me how I can’t seem to respond to my wife “correctly”, When she brings me a problem, I try to fix it. At some deep down level in my psyche, I think she must want me to solve this problem, otherwise, why would she bring it to me, right? Clearly, this is not what she wants – ever. She wants me to listen and respond and coo and coddle her that “it’s ok, honey”. And I try – sometimes. But, depending on when such an episode is brought to me, I may not be all that gentle in my responses. Of course, my worst days are the days when she’s going through a female cycle and is already more sensitive than normal – just great.
No matter how hard I try, or how that little voice in my head tells me to “shut up and just listen to her,” I make suggestions. Those suggestions ultimately lead to arguments, which, of course, lead to her making statements such as “you think I’m stupid” or “you don’t like anything I say.” Neither of these is true, but I fail to get that point across in a timely or convincing manner. There are days when I’m not sure why she ever chose me, or why she stays with me.
My heart is in the right place, I’m trying to help. I have good intentions, but we’ve all heard about the road to Hell being paved and all. I’ve apparently hand-laid several of those bricks.
I had a co-worker look me dead in the eyes years ago and say, “I can’t believe that a smart guy like you can’t figure this out.”
In all fairness, I think she drastically overrated my intelligence.
My relationship is like the ebb and flow of the tide. Just as I make things all better and start getting some positive traction, I do something stupid and out goes the tide. I pride myself on my quit wit, but it gets me in trouble more at home than anywhere else. Some things should probably not be said, but I’ll say them anyway.
So, as I often do, I sit here trying to understand why this wonderful, gorgeous, talented woman has anything to do with me. I can’t possibly be the best she can do. But after all the fights and against all odds, she never even hints at leaving, and I try a little harder to do something nice for her. I look at my life as a Rubik’s Cube – it seems simple enough, but upon further investigation, it’s more complex than I initially thought. Additionally, the more I try and make things right, the more I seem to fuck them up. If I just followed a set pattern and did the work, everything would work out fine.
I suppose I should have a moral to this story. But I don’t. Outside of “I just need to let it go and go with the flow.” That’s probably good advice for most men in heterosexual relationships. There I go again, assuming that one is different than the other. I just have to think that female-female and male-male couples don’t have this type core incompatibility, but I know nothing of those relationships, so I should just keep my mouth shut – which as we’ve now established, I don’t do well at all.